Why I Don’t Have A Best Friend

When I was a little, one of my friends told me, “I have friends, and I have best friends. You are in my best friends group.”

In a later conversation with my mom, we talked about the meaning of friendship. Those days people were lumping everybody into the category of “friend,” even if they weren’t close with those people. People would call others “friends” who were really acquaintances or people they may be friendly with, and they would call their true friends their “best friends.”

Since I was home schooled, I was lucky to form any relationship I could with people my age. I valued anybody I came into contact with. There was really no point to categorizing people I knew into “friends” and “best friends” when really I meant “acquaintances” and “friends.” So I decided that I didn’t want to have, nor did I want to be a “best friend,” I wanted a true friend.

I guess a true friend is much like what people call a best friend. I view a true friend as being someone who is there for you when you need her, willing to help you out when you’re in trouble, and wanting to spend time with you just because.

Now that I’m in college, I still don’t consider myself as having a “best friend.” A best friend to me sounds exclusive, like you can only have a certain number of best friends. But I do have true friends. Sure, I use the word “friend” lightly at times, perhaps if I am referring to people I am friendly with, or people who could be potential true friends if my relationship with them were to grow. But my true friends are the people I know I can count on.

It’s my goal to not only have true friends, but I also want to be a true friend. I am not perfect, but if you are my friend, I want to be there for you if you need me. Sometimes scheduling in the midst of college can be tough, but I will make a way to be there. I can listen if you need to talk. And I’ll do what I can to help if you need help. If you don’t need help, let’s just hang out and eat food sometime, but please excuse my sarcastic sense of humor. That comes with my friendship.

Why I’m “Quiet”

Confession: Sometimes I feel too lazy to talk. It’s a waste of tongue-muscle. I think of things that could contribute to the conversation, but I don’t always say them. If I don’t talk in a conversation, it’s not because I’m angry, shy, or trying to be flirty. Sometimes I just prefer to not talk. I just like to spend time with a person.

I have one friend whom I’ve spent a bit of time with this summer, and when we get together sometimes we just like to sit in silence, listening to the birds singing. When we do talk it’s normally about something substantial, like relationships (of any kind), growing up, or life in general. That’s another thing about me. I’ll make small talk, but I don’t really like it.

When I’m in a group of people I try to let other people talk. In fact, if the group is big enough so that more than one conversation is happening at one time, I feel overwhelmed, so that’s when I can get really quiet. I feel like my brain is being overloaded with information and it’s hard to keep up. So sometimes it may look like I’m bored or I might not have anything to contribute, when really I feel like I’m shutting down from trying so hard to take everything in.

If I don’t talk to you it’s not because I don’t want to spend time with you. It’s more likely that I want to give you space because I would hate to bother you. If you want to talk to me then I’ll listen. I may not have much to say, so you’ll have to forgive me. But I can still be there for you.

Summer Adventures: Zip Lining

I can’t remember the last time I’ve had this many bruises on my legs, but it was worth it.

Recently I went zip-lining with some new friends made this summer, and it was awesome. That combined with the rock wall, vertical playpen, and flying squirrel swing was enough to get me pretty beaten up, but it was a great workout and a great rush of adrenaline.

One of the things I loved about an activity course like that was the people who helped me through it. I’m talking mainly about the workers who held the end of the rope so I wouldn’t fall while I was climbing. And the people who encouraged me to make it to the top of the wall/course. Sometimes all it took was a single person telling me, “You can do it!” to motivate me (or maybe even, “I bet you can’t do it!” in which case I was determined to prove them wrong). Something about encouragement while climbing is more instantly gratifying to me than in other situations.

Of course, there was nothing like concluding the day with my final ride on the zip line. I was tired, I was sweaty, and I got to just sit back and relax as I flew through the air.

Summer Adventures: Hiking

Trees are good at keeping secrets. The ones in this forest have years of experience, and years of memories, especially the ones with carvings of people’s initials to mark a special sweetheart spot.

Well, my friend and I aren’t sweethearts, but suffice it to say we are more or less co-adventurers for the summer. She and I went hiking in the Brandywine Creek State Park, where the woods provided a private haven and time stood still. We walked along about a 2-mile long trail, which wound up, down, around, and everywhere through the woods. Rocky, muddy, hilly, smooth. The trail led us next to the creek, where we stopped to eat a picnic lunch. We sat on a huge boulder on the water’s edge, shaded by a canopy of leaves. For a long time we sat in silence, allowing the current of the water to carry our minds away from everyday life.

Something about the shelter of the trees made it feel okay to talk about whatever we wanted. Okay, so maybe we didn’t solve the world’s problems, but we did talk about why we enjoyed certain books. And we talked about various happenings at a faraway place called school. And we talked about things that confuse us about life, things that make us happy, and things that hurt. Things that maybe we don’t talk about on a daily basis, but things that make an adventure all the more memorable.

And then of course after the hike we ate ice cream, because what adventure is complete without ice cream?