Tag: childhood

Little Girl

Little Girl, what do you need from me?

I need to feel safe. I need to feel loved. I need to know I won’t be neglected.

How can I make you feel safe? How can I make you feel loved? How can I assure you you won’t be neglected?

By holding space for me. By nurturing me. By continuing to show up and not leave me alone.

How can I hold space for you?

By listening to me when I need to cry. By rocking me gently back and forth. By helping me to breathe again.

How can I nurture you?

Tell me a bedtime story in the evenings. Greet me in the morning with a yummy breakfast. Let me wear bows in my hair and necklaces made of dandelion chains. Feed me when I’m hungry. Wrap me up in blankets during thunderstorms. Light candles when it gets dark. Let me dance and twirl and have tea parties and eat ice cream.

How can I continue to show up and not leave you alone?

Keep asking these questions. Spend time with me. Ask what I need. Take care of me.

Little Girl, how do you feel right now?

I feel tight in my chest.

Can you take a few breaths? Can you tell me what’s wrong?

I feel scared. I feel sad. I feel abandoned.

Why do you feel scared?

I’m scared I’m going to go hungry. I’m scared I’m going to be ignored. I’m scared I’m going to be laughed at.

Why do you feel sad?

I’m sad because I don’t feel cared for and that hurts.

Why do you feel abandoned?

I feel abandoned because I have been forgotten. I am overlooked. I am invisible.

If I take better care of you, do you think you can be visible again?

Yes, I think I can.

Little Girl, what is one thing we can do right now that will make you feel good?

Let’s cuddle up in blankets and fall asleep.

We can do that. Will that make you feel safe?

Yes.

Will that make you feel loved?

Yes.

Will that make you feel like you won’t be neglected?

Yes.

Okay, Little Girl. I’m here; I’m going to take care of you. I’m not going to abandon you.

Reflection: The Magic of Living

When I was a child I thought Christmas was magical. I couldn’t describe why, but I got a feeling inside when I heard Christmas music, looked at decorations, anticipated festivities. Sometimes even when it wasn’t Christmastime I remember getting emotional thinking about how much I loved Christmas.

As I grew older the magic dissolved, and for years I thought growing up meant being depressed with life and learning how to deal with it. Only after much processing and growing did some of that magic start to come back. I began to find a new, deeper feeling, and not just surrounding Christmas. It was the discovery that life is sacred. And really for me, sacredness is a more grown-up version of childhood magic. It’s the realization that something is important, worthwhile, beautiful, and finding joy or reverence in it.

I had a conversation with someone recently who told me about how he was working on doing more grounding, and I mentioned that I felt so much happier when I’m in the present.

There’s a road I have often traveled, either to go to class, to therapy appointments, or other events, and I realized tonight that that road is sacred to me. Usually when I’m driving that road I’m listening to music and admiring the fields or trees or fancy houses I pass. And usually it’s in anticipation of work I’m about to do or in processing what I’ve already done. I feel hopeful, positive, because I believe what I’m pursuing is worthwhile. And that road has been representative of a small part of my journey. That journey which is sacred, which therefore makes the road I travel sacred. And it’s beautiful.