Sex, Fantasy, and Fifty Shades

Lately I’ve seen a lot of hype about the film rendition of Fifty Shades of Grey across the internet. Mostly it’s been a lot of protesting about how the story promotes sexual abuse and dominance. Personally I’m not really interested in the books or the movie, so my critique of the story would be limited at best. But I’m not here to write a critique – there are plenty already out there. I’m here to tell you some of my thoughts based on what I’ve observed about this latest uproar.

My concern lies in the conversations I read about how it’s a shame that young people today are indulging in stories like these and will not have a firm understanding of what true love or a satisfying sex life looks like. Before I continue, let me say that in no way do I condone sexual abuse, and I certainly hope that this post doesn’t come across that way. What I am saying is that we shouldn’t wait for stories like Fifty Shades to go viral before we start talking about how sex should be.

Upon looking up the author, I found a quote of hers that said that this story was essentially her sexual fantasies, which, in my opinion, puts a different perspective on how I view the story. While a woman may not publicly admit it, I think there exists in many women’s minds fantasies that are not intended to be played out in real life, be they sex with a stranger, being forcefully tied down, etc. Thoughts and emotions that allow the person to feel as though they’re not completely in control (while in reality they still are) help to increase the tension of the moment, making it more exciting and therefore easier to climax. When you put those fantasies on a screen, however, they turn into something seen as dominating and abusive, because it’s not meant to make sense in real life (hence why it’s a fantasy).

For those of you who don’t want your children to see this movie because you want to explain to them how beautiful true love and healthy sex is, that’s great. The problem is, not everyone wants to have that conversation, especially, I find, those of the more conservative mindsets. If you can’t even say the word sex without giggling or blushing, you’re probably not the first person I’m going to go to for advice in the matter. That’s why the majority of my sex ed came from Wikipedia, Urban Dictionary, and Game of Thrones. Google didn’t blush. It didn’t pause in an awkward silence thinking, “oh crap, I have to have this conversation with her.” It simply gave me the answers I was looking for and then some. And yes, some people did offer to talk about any questions I had. But I was so ignorant of my own body that I didn’t even know what questions to ask.

Maybe you giggle or smile because you have a great sex life. Maybe you’re remembering the night you had with your partner last week. But I can’t tell what you’re thinking. All I read is a change in your demeanor, which then makes me uncomfortable and feel that maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up.

For those of you who wonder why anyone would want to sit through a movie like that in a dark theatre surrounded by people, maybe it’s because it feels like a safe place. Maybe there are a lot of confused or frustrated young people trying to understand their bodies and biological functions, but can’t find the answers they need because their elders are too embarrassed to talk about it. Or if they aren’t, the conversation is weighted with fear that somebody is going to fuck somebody into abomination. And so in a way it almost makes sense to me to want to escape to the theatre where I don’t have to be embarrassed for wondering about my body and maybe less-than-traditional ways of having sex.

Book Review: Phantom of the Opera

I have made it a goal to read more classics, both to be more well-rounded and so that I can say I’ve read them. One of the classics I read this summer was Phantom of the Opera.

Before I begin, I will say that this is not the most professional book review. I know what I like to read, and my “review” of a given book will be based on my reading preferences. Therefore, just because I liked a book does not mean it is “good,” neither is a book necessarily “bad” if I disliked it.

That being said, I did initially find POTO a little difficult to read, since it was written over a century ago, making the language style different from what I’m used to. It was not a mindless, easy read for me in the beginning; I had to engage with the text to understand what was going on. Perhaps another reason for this was that the first few chapters read more like a report than a story. After I was several chapters in, however, the author introduced more dialogue and action, which helped to make it more interesting.

Now for the plot. As I’m sure many people know the story already, I will not bore the reader with the details of the narrative. I had already seen the movie (starring Gerard Butler), which made the story easier to follow, since I had an idea of what to expect. Of course the details in the book were different from those of the movie, but the extra scenes and descriptions added a richness to the text that the movie simply does not have. Included in these extras would be the elaborate tunnels and passageways through the opera house (which we only get a glimpse of in the movie), Christine visiting the graveyard, the torture chamber, and the Phantom’s magic tricks. The details and descriptions in the text add a depth that could not possibly be addressed in the movie, yet give the reader a better understanding of the story.

Overall I did enjoy this book, even though it did require a little more mental muscle than I had used in awhile for recreational reading. I would definitely recommend it to someone who is interested in broadening their horizons in literature, but maybe not for the reader who is looking more for something quick and easy.

Things I Love: Books

I love books. Not the ones you get on a Kindle. I mean the real, yellowing-page-worn-spine books. Or even the newer ones that crackle when you open them for the first time. For me, nothing beats the satisfaction of watching the thickness of the remaining pages to be read dwindle, and being able to close the flap for the last time after having finished.

Last summer I read about nine books, so this summer I’ve made a goal to read ten. I recently became more active on my Goodreads account, which I would recommend to people who like to read or want to read more. It’s a great place to organize books you’ve read and books you want to read, as well as see what other people are reading and learn about new books.

So far this spring/summer I’ve read two books: The Guardian by Robbie Cheuvront and Erik Reed, and The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan. Since I’ve already finished them, I won’t talk much about them here. However, I may talk about books I’m currently reading in future posts. And of course, I would welcome any suggestions for books to read in the future!