My First Massage

There’s something beautiful about surrendering your body to the care of another. It’s humbling, but it’s also rewarding. Humbling, because you’re allowing someone into your personal space; rewarding, because there is a certain freedom that comes with being able to let go.

My birthday was recently, so I wanted to treat myself to a professional massage. I’m not a very touchy-feely person, so I wasn’t sure what to expect, being a little weirded out by the idea of someone touching me. But the therapist greeted me with a warm smile and made me feel at ease right away. She led me into a small, dimly lit room where soft music played in the background, talked me through what to expect, and then left me to get settled onto the table.

She started with my head; I had forgotten that head massaging was a thing. But it was great. She moved her way around the table, working on different parts of my body, not neglecting even my hands and feet. She massaged muscles I didn’t even realize I had, causing me to want to just melt with relaxation. It was only thirty minutes, and I was sad that it went by so quickly, but I felt wonderful afterwards. Not happy, exactly, but more at rest. Less stressed out than I had been after a long week.

Getting a massage might not be for everyone, but if you’re looking for a way to relieve some stress, I would definitely recommend it – especially if you’re like me and enjoy trying new things.

photo by Google Images

Read to Write

I’m taking a writing class in which our primary text is the New Yorker magazine. I had never read it before, and while I do not always keep up with reading every article, I am fascinated by the content. Every week is different; you don’t know what you’ll find. Even if my opinion differs from that of the authors’, I can still find something interesting about the articles I read.

Then it hit me. In recent posts, I’ve mentioned my difficulty for finding inspiration for topics to write about. But when I began reading the New Yorker, I realized that one thing I was missing was the act of reading. Reading engages the brain, broadens one’s knowledge, and offers new perspectives on a given topic. In my excitement to write, I have forgotten to read.

In order to be a good writer, I think it is imperative to learn to be a good reader as well. That’s not to say I need to become the bookworm I was as a child. But if I can exercise my brain more by reading, maybe that will help my mind generate thoughts and opinions that I can translate into writing.

At least, that’s the hope.

Calendar Dates

For my first year or two of college, I kept detailed assignment books on when projects and papers were due, what campus events I would be attending, and when I would hang out with people. I even color-coded my entries so I could tell at a glance what my week looked like. It helped me to stay organized and on top of things.

As time has passed, I’ve gotten a bit lazier with keeping an assignment book, although I don’t know if laziness is quite the right word. I think it can be too easy to plan out every detail of our lives and forget to just live sometimes. If I have an appointment or an event I need to remember, I will still write it down – although I use my phone calendar for that more now.

As with anything in life, it’s important to keep a balance. I like to plan things out, but I’m not one to have every detail of my life written down anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I should still keep a planner to stay on top of things – whether a good planner at the beginning of college correlated with better grades I am uncertain. But this I do know, that it is easy to fall to one of the extremes: either planning too much, or not planning at all. Both can be beneficial, but both can be equally detrimental.

Year’s End

Facebook has a feature that allows you to look at the top 20 posts on your timeline from the last year. According to Facebook, my highlights include jogging a mile for the first time, rock climbing, zip lining, and spinning yarn.

2013 was also the year that I started this blog. Many on the internet will advise writing about your passion, or finding your niche to write about, but I began blogging to help me discover what my niche was. What I was passionate about. I’ve been blogging for almost a year now, and you know what? I still don’t know what that is. I’ve discovered many interests, but as far as defining a niche or a passion, I’m still pretty clueless.

But that’s okay. I’ve still learned things, and I’m still exploring. And I intend to continue exploring, because I like to look at life as an adventure.

It makes it a little difficult to know what to write about, though. Sure, I write about my adventures, and sometimes I’ll throw in a post about something philosophical, but it’s a challenge to find inspiration sometimes. So if you, my readers, have any suggestions for what I should write about, I’m open to ideas.

Meanwhile, I hope you all have a lovely new year!

Frustrations With the Modern Woman

There was a time when men took off their hats in the presence of a woman, opened the door for her, and threw their coats over puddles so she wouldn’t have to walk through the mud. Too often today I hear women talk about such acts of chivalry and conclude that there aren’t any good men left in the world, or if there are, they are very hard to find. With the ever-changing times, something has happened that has made men less caring and more disrespectful of women. I’ll tell you what happened.

Women’s rights.

Now before all the feminists get angry at me (although maybe they already are), let me say this: I am very thankful to be living in an era in which I have the right to vote, the opportunity to pursue a higher education, and the option to create my own career if I so choose. Benefits such as these were not (easily) accessible to women before the women’s rights movement. It is adjustments such as these that have changed not only how people view women, but have also changed women themselves.

Before the women’s rights movement, it was commonly accepted that a woman’s place was in the home, and a man’s place was out working. Whether you agree with that structure or not, it was a system in which people knew what to expect, because they knew their place in society. I believe that it was because people knew their place that allowed them to respect each other more, because each knew where he belonged.

However, the women’s rights movement has challenged that structure, and has left us with many changes in society. A woman may choose to stay at home, or she may choose to go out and work. In my opinion, she should be able to do either. My frustration is that we are women living in 2013 expecting to find men of 1913. And that is just not possible.

The women’s rights movement did not just affect women; it affected men as well. Now that the original structure has been broken down, I think it leaves people confused with how to interact with each other. Each gender does not have as definite a role as they once did, and that can lead to many misunderstandings.

I believe that every person deserves respect. But sometimes I think women have been so eager to gain respect that they’ve forgotten how to give respect, and we have allowed men to forget how to respect themselves. (I’m not saying that men’s negative traits today are all women’s fault; there are plenty of things I could say about men, but for the sake of this essay I will leave that for a different post)

What I am saying is that I think too many women bash men unnecessarily, and that needs to stop. Yes, some men are capable of being complete jerks, but some women are just as capable of the same thing. And if you’re a woman who doesn’t like a man opening the door for you in the rare occasion he does, there is such a thing as politely telling him you would prefer to open the door yourself instead of getting angry because you think he thinks you’re weak. Chances are he was just trying to be respectful and maybe even show you that he thinks you’re valuable.

Why I Don’t Have A Best Friend

When I was a little, one of my friends told me, “I have friends, and I have best friends. You are in my best friends group.”

In a later conversation with my mom, we talked about the meaning of friendship. Those days people were lumping everybody into the category of “friend,” even if they weren’t close with those people. People would call others “friends” who were really acquaintances or people they may be friendly with, and they would call their true friends their “best friends.”

Since I was home schooled, I was lucky to form any relationship I could with people my age. I valued anybody I came into contact with. There was really no point to categorizing people I knew into “friends” and “best friends” when really I meant “acquaintances” and “friends.” So I decided that I didn’t want to have, nor did I want to be a “best friend,” I wanted a true friend.

I guess a true friend is much like what people call a best friend. I view a true friend as being someone who is there for you when you need her, willing to help you out when you’re in trouble, and wanting to spend time with you just because.

Now that I’m in college, I still don’t consider myself as having a “best friend.” A best friend to me sounds exclusive, like you can only have a certain number of best friends. But I do have true friends. Sure, I use the word “friend” lightly at times, perhaps if I am referring to people I am friendly with, or people who could be potential true friends if my relationship with them were to grow. But my true friends are the people I know I can count on.

It’s my goal to not only have true friends, but I also want to be a true friend. I am not perfect, but if you are my friend, I want to be there for you if you need me. Sometimes scheduling in the midst of college can be tough, but I will make a way to be there. I can listen if you need to talk. And I’ll do what I can to help if you need help. If you don’t need help, let’s just hang out and eat food sometime, but please excuse my sarcastic sense of humor. That comes with my friendship.

Things I Love: Sunday Afternoons

Sunday afternoon, the end of one week, beginning of another. Sometimes I don’t like it because it means that tomorrow is Monday. But it’s not so bad when I’m able to take just a little time to relax.

One recent Sunday afternoon, I spun yarn while listening to Norah Jones and drinking green tea. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately; there’s a lot going on, but spinning and listening to music helps to clear my mind.

Yeah, I’m still thinking about things I need to get done, and things I want to get done, but stepping back and taking some quiet time really helps me to feel better.

Maybe you’re busy, but don’t forget to take time to do something you enjoy, something that relaxes you. It will help you be more productive in the long run.

Loving Lonely

Do you feel lonely? Many people at some point in their lives will or have said yes.

There are a multitude of reasons for feeling lonely. People blame social media, or technology in general. But maybe you just struggle to connect with people, regardless of your use of the internet.

Maybe you’re lonely for a significant other. Maybe you’re lonely because you want to feel close to someone. Anyone. But you can’t.

But you know what? That’s okay. Loneliness hurts. And it’s okay to hurt. Because hurting is part of what makes us human.

How to stop feeling lonely? I honestly don’t know. Every person is different, so each requires a different solution. Part of what brings happiness is what we give to others. If I can make someone smile today, even just one person, if I can make a difference in one person’s life, then that is what’s important.

Maybe you help others, and you try your best and you’re still lonely. Maybe your self-esteem is fine. Maybe you try to connect with people but something still is missing.

I don’t have the answer to what’s missing. I don’t know how to cure loneliness – I’m lonely too. But maybe the first step is to accept it so that you can move on. When you learn to love yourself, maybe you can learn to love lonely too.

I think Tanya Davis does a great job of summing it up:

An Observation

I’m about to make a huge generalization about some modern churches. Not that this represents churches as a whole, but I’m noticing a trend.

Many churches these days will say, “Come as you are; we’ll accept you no matter where you are in life.” I’m all for loving others, but sometimes it seems that a church is so focused on the message of acceptance that I don’t even know what their beliefs are. You’ll accept me where I am. Great. But maybe where I am isn’t where I want to be. Maybe I want to grow. Maybe I need to be challenged.

I hear people give the advice all the time: “Be yourself; don’t change for anybody.” Often I see churches trying to keep up-to-date on how to look appealing to younger generations. If they keep trying to be everything to everybody, they’ll end up being nothing to nobody. If I don’t like your theology, I won’t go to your church. That’s my problem. Don’t try to change just to try to make me happy. It won’t work. It will leave me confused because I don’t know who you really are. I don’t want a church that’s trying to please me. I want a church that’s trying to please Christ. Because that’s who church should be about anyway.

Am I saying you shouldn’t love other people? No. I’m saying don’t compromise who you are to please everybody. I do that enough.

When It’s Legit

Sometimes I wish that honeymoon stage of relationships didn’t exist. Sure, it’s cute, it’s fun, it’s an emotional high, with all the hand-holding, cuddling, kissing. But I sometimes wish that stage wasn’t there because too many people mistake that for true love. And when that stage passes, the love must be gone too.

They’re wrong.

Legit love doesn’t set in until the newness wears off. Because it’s that love that gets you through every one of those stupid arguments when you lose your temper. It’s that love that gets you through grieving the death of a friend. Love can be messy, complicated, and downright unattractive at times. But that’s what makes it what it is.

A pastor I once knew said this: “You can fall in love, you can fall out of love; but true love is a walk, not a fall.”