Quirky Christendom

Christianity is a weird religion. Traditionally speaking, you meet up with a group of people you don’t know on a Sunday morning, and you listen to someone speak. You sing a few songs, and then you leave. If you’re lucky, you might have a Bible study to go to during the week. But that’s about it. I guess what’s weird to me is that within Christianity, people seem to focus only on their spiritual health and not much else.

I’m thinking in contrast to other religions in which physical health, diet, and relationships are more of the focus. For example, when you think of certain Eastern religions, you may think of yoga, meditation, or certain dietary restrictions. While the main thing that sets Christianity apart from other religions is that it’s not a performance-based religion, sometimes I wonder if the Christian Church wouldn’t benefit from taking one’s overall well-being into consideration. The beauty of Christianity is that everyone is different, yes, and everyone is in a different point in their journeys. While spiritual health is very important, there are more dimensions of wellness than just spirituality.

You also have physical, emotional, financial, social, and environmental health. When one of these elements suffers, it can affect one’s overall well-being. I’m not saying that the Church should be responsible for everyone’s health in all aspects of life, but I think it would be cool if, when people heard the word “Christian,” they would think, “Oh yeah, Christians are some of the healthiest people I know.”

Then again, you don’t go the a bank in hopes they can help you with a broken arm, and you don’t go to a hospital to get a loan. So I guess these dimensions of wellness should be separate, it just seems strange to me.

I guess what I’m saying is, I want more people in general to care about their overall well-being, because I know how difficult it can be to do that. I’m still learning how to take care of myself in the most basic of ways, and I don’t really have anyone to teach me what a healthy adult is supposed to look like.

These are my thoughts for the day, so thanks for reading my tirade.

Juliet’s Rant

I miss him terribly, but even still
I doubt the truth behind my sentiments.
I hesitate to call it love if all
it is is pure infatuation that
is typical of young hormonal girls.
I do not trust myself to use the term
of love accurately because I have
such difficulty understanding its
pure definition. I was taught that love
is not a feeling; it is sacrifice.
I think of love as a decision to
commit, and lust being the feelings that
come after. I come up with mental lists
of things I’d do for him as proof of my
commitment, for my feelings do not make
for solid evidence of love. That’s why
I say I’d make him dinner or massage
his feet, or take care of him when he’s sick,
because I’m desperately trying to prove
these feelings are not senseless whims, although
that’s what I am convinced they are. I do
not trust emotions and I do not view them
as highly as I should, because they don’t
seem like good reasons to do anything.
Because I do not trust emotions, I
have found myself looking for concrete ways
to show affection, or whatever keeps
me bound to him. The problem is, I’m stuck
Because I hardly ever see him and
I rarely talk to him, and that prevents
my concrete acts done in the name of love.
These thoughts therefore swirl in my head, and I
am left to wonder if I truly love,
or if I only think I do because
it’s all infatuated fantasy.

I wonder why it matters. If I spent
some time with him, it wouldn’t for I’d be
too busy doting on him. But I don’t
spend time with him, and so I find myself
Desiring to tell others I love him,
although I fear I’d sound quite immature –
a girl who knows not what she talks about.
And so I guess the root of all this is
I am concerned what others think of me.
However, on the other hand, what’s more
is that I care about my use of words.
I want to speak correctly for I’d hate
to say something that I don’t truly mean.

The Intricacy of Intimacy

“Had a great talk with a friend of mine last night. We conversed until well past midnight about life, relationships, and our personalities. We got to talking about Myers-Briggs personality types, and how my friend’s personality is complimentary to mine, mine being INFJ, and hers being ENFP. With our two middle letters being the same and the outside letters being different, our personalities work well together. We joked about how it was a shame one of us wasn’t a guy so we could marry each other.

Later that night something clicked while I was lying in bed: I almost began feeling less lonely. Yes, I still longed for intimacy with a guy as well as sarcastic banter, but I realized that I found it really refreshing to be with someone whose personality complemented mine and who was aware of her mental health. I realized that while my loneliness didn’t go away, she is someone I would feel comfortable being lonely with. Not in a weird, romantic way, but such that we’ve been able to develop a friendship over the years that has allowed us to share personal things with each other. And that realization makes me happy.”

That was a journal entry of mine from back in April of this year. I was visiting a friend whom I hadn’t seen for awhile, and I loved how we could pick back up from where we left off despite not having talked in who knows how long. We have been friends for several years, and if the saying is true that says if you’re friends with someone for longer than seven years you’re friends for life, I guess that means that she and I are pretty much stuck with each other, no matter how many miles are between us.

I share this to express my reflections on the human desire to bond, and how that desire has affected me. Often I would describe myself as being lonely, no matter how often I spend time with people. I have realized that loneliness cannot be cured by another person, and while socialization does help to remedy it, becoming dependent on other people for our own happiness is unhealthy. This is why I say that I don’t want someone to take away my loneliness, but rather I want someone to be lonely with.

A few months ago when I visited my friend, I realized that she was someone I enjoyed feeling lonely with. We were able to share with each other things we struggled with, things we dreamed about, things we thought were funny. While we couldn’t solve each other’s problems, we could offer our friendship to each other, and that has been an incredible gift.

Our personalities are not the same, but that allows us to learn from each other. It is through my friendship with her that I realized that intimacy comes in many different forms. When I hear the word intimacy I automatically think of physical closeness, but it is so much more than that. When conversing with this friend, I have felt somewhat of an intellectual intimacy, if you will, because we would explore philosophical topics and life issues in a way that people don’t normally do in everyday interactions. Other times I have felt an emotional intimacy because I would share with her a personal battle that I was facing.

My realization of the complexity of intimacy is important because it has helped me to understand that loneliness is often very complicated, but that does not necessarily make it a bad thing. Sometimes I crave emotional or intellectual intimacy in the form of something mentally stimulating, while at other times I just flat out want to cuddle with someone. Knowing this helps me to better understand how to take care of myself, and hopefully will help me be able to better care for others.

Sex, Fantasy, and Fifty Shades

Lately I’ve seen a lot of hype about the film rendition of Fifty Shades of Grey across the internet. Mostly it’s been a lot of protesting about how the story promotes sexual abuse and dominance. Personally I’m not really interested in the books or the movie, so my critique of the story would be limited at best. But I’m not here to write a critique – there are plenty already out there. I’m here to tell you some of my thoughts based on what I’ve observed about this latest uproar.

My concern lies in the conversations I read about how it’s a shame that young people today are indulging in stories like these and will not have a firm understanding of what true love or a satisfying sex life looks like. Before I continue, let me say that in no way do I condone sexual abuse, and I certainly hope that this post doesn’t come across that way. What I am saying is that we shouldn’t wait for stories like Fifty Shades to go viral before we start talking about how sex should be.

Upon looking up the author, I found a quote of hers that said that this story was essentially her sexual fantasies, which, in my opinion, puts a different perspective on how I view the story. While a woman may not publicly admit it, I think there exists in many women’s minds fantasies that are not intended to be played out in real life, be they sex with a stranger, being forcefully tied down, etc. Thoughts and emotions that allow the person to feel as though they’re not completely in control (while in reality they still are) help to increase the tension of the moment, making it more exciting and therefore easier to climax. When you put those fantasies on a screen, however, they turn into something seen as dominating and abusive, because it’s not meant to make sense in real life (hence why it’s a fantasy).

For those of you who don’t want your children to see this movie because you want to explain to them how beautiful true love and healthy sex is, that’s great. The problem is, not everyone wants to have that conversation, especially, I find, those of the more conservative mindsets. If you can’t even say the word sex without giggling or blushing, you’re probably not the first person I’m going to go to for advice in the matter. That’s why the majority of my sex ed came from Wikipedia, Urban Dictionary, and Game of Thrones. Google didn’t blush. It didn’t pause in an awkward silence thinking, “oh crap, I have to have this conversation with her.” It simply gave me the answers I was looking for and then some. And yes, some people did offer to talk about any questions I had. But I was so ignorant of my own body that I didn’t even know what questions to ask.

Maybe you giggle or smile because you have a great sex life. Maybe you’re remembering the night you had with your partner last week. But I can’t tell what you’re thinking. All I read is a change in your demeanor, which then makes me uncomfortable and feel that maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up.

For those of you who wonder why anyone would want to sit through a movie like that in a dark theatre surrounded by people, maybe it’s because it feels like a safe place. Maybe there are a lot of confused or frustrated young people trying to understand their bodies and biological functions, but can’t find the answers they need because their elders are too embarrassed to talk about it. Or if they aren’t, the conversation is weighted with fear that somebody is going to fuck somebody into abomination. And so in a way it almost makes sense to me to want to escape to the theatre where I don’t have to be embarrassed for wondering about my body and maybe less-than-traditional ways of having sex.

Blizzards, Bundles, and Blossoms

I don’t hate Valentine’s Day. So many people I’ve talked to do. Growing up, I remember learning about St. Valentine, and I would look through catalogues of fun clothes and decorations. Not to mention my favorite color used to be pink.

As I’ve grown older, however, I’ve realized that for many people this holiday tends to induce a lot of loneliness and bitterness as it accentuates couples and isolates single people. I don’t think the issue is the holiday, necessarily, but rather the perspective of it. Sometimes the media overwhelms us with the idea that we are not complete with out a significant other, and Valentine’s Day only exaggerates that mindset.

I have tried to shift my focus from loneliness to loving, without being in a relationship. When I went with a friend to Krispy Kreme for heart-shaped donuts, she gave me a big fluffy teddy bear. Another friend gave me chocolates, and another friend sent me a bouquet of flowers. I was able to do some fun things on Valentine’s Day, and then I got to spend the evening doing something I love: writing. And with the weather being as cold and dreary as it has been, there’s no place I’d rather be than inside and warm.

Letter to My Future Lover

Dear Lover, whoever you are and wherever you may be,

Normally I would think it foolish to write to someone of the future who is, as of now, invisible to me. But upon reflecting on certain parts of myself, I would like to share some thoughts with you about the girl who will one day stand before you.

I am writing from a place of deep sorrow. A selfish sorrow, I admit, that comes from having experienced pain. I do not know who I will be when you and I meet, but I would contend that pain is a universal experience that haunts many people. It haunts me, and could possibly continue to do so even after we meet. It may not be obvious at first, especially if it only manifests itself as a shadow in my eyes. Eventually it will become more familiar to you as we get to know each other better. Do not be afraid of it. Pain is merely a proof that we are human, and sorrow the substance of growth. I hope to have the luxury of maturing more before you meet me, but chances are I will have a lot of growing to do regardless of when we cross paths.

Please be patient with me as I work to consistently become a healthier and stronger version of myself. I am often insecure in my efforts, and progress is slow. I must ask your forgiveness in advance for the times I will be crying on the bed or speaking in tirades that make sense only to me. Sometimes making light of it may cause me to feel better, while at other times a comforting hand on my shoulder would be more appropriate. Sometimes I will just need a hug.

Never should I dare ask you to heal a broken heart, for that is too much to ask of any single human. I have experienced heartbreak, and the only person who can mend that is myself. I would only ask for your gentleness in my sensitive moments. One thing that is highly important to me is that I feel safe. Once I feel safe, I can then navigate the parts of myself that require vulnerability, that feel less safe. By working through those areas, I can begin to grow stronger. Your reassuring presence will help give me the courage I need to pursue that.

Ultimately, I do not want to ask for much, for I hope to be able to give more than I take. I only ask for your patience and gentleness as I grow, and that you would love me as I will one day love you. Here’s hoping that this is the only part of this version of me you will know, that by the time our roads cross I will have already grown above and beyond where I am now. And so until we meet for the first time, I say farewell.

A Woman Worth Knowing

I would like you to meet a friend of mine. Well, I guess technically, she is more of an acquaintance than a friend. I suppose if the two of us were more extroverted around each other, we might be friends, but such is the nature of those who are quiet thinkers.

I won’t say her name, out of respect for her as well as to avoid embarrassment. But I will say that she is beautiful. And not the kind of beauty that screams, “Look at me!” Some have a natural ability to turn people’s heads while walking down the street. But that’s not the kind of beauty I’m talking about. I’m talking about the beauty that makes you think. The kind that you may not notice at first if you’re not looking, but is like a hidden treasure once you’ve discovered it. Her soft eyes radiate a gentle warmth that reinforces the kindness in her smile. She may seem to have a quiet voice, but her strength of character comes not from the volume of her voice.

I would say that within her lies a dedication and a passion for learning that I don’t see in every girl. She loves to read extensively, and so there will never be a shortage of conversation topics in her presence, although she is not the kind of person who would dominate a conversation. She conducts herself with grace, and is often willing to lend a helping hand when needed.

For those of you who have the privilege of meeting and knowing her, I want to say this: don’t mistake her quiet spirit for shyness or disinterest. It may take some time to get to know her well, but it is time well spent, for she is a woman worth knowing.

Questions to Ask on a Date?

While I don’t know much about dating, I do enjoy looking at articles with fun date ideas – because sometimes the activities mentioned seem like good ideas whether you have a date or not!

We know that a first date can be awkward. What do you talk about? I especially don’t care for small talk, so the conversation would probably become uncomfortable for me quite quickly. In my thought process, I don’t really care how many facts about you I can recite, because knowing about you isn’t the same as knowing you. That’s partly what distinguishes our relationships to our friends versus our celebrity crushes. Learn as much as you want about Jennifer Lawrence, but unless you take her out for pizza and spend time with her, chances are you won’t really know her that well.

That being said, I came up with the following list of questions that will guarantee success on any first date you go on.

Actually I have no idea if these are any good; these are just questions I’ve thought about in my spare time when my brain has nothing better to do.

If you were granted three wishes, what would you wish for?

If you had a completely empty day ahead of you, how would you spend it?

Were you to pick any job besides the one you have, what would you want to do?

Do you like sweet, salty, or spicy foods?

What is one of your favorite places to go in town?

If you could pick any era to live in, past, present, or future, what would you pick?

What is something you don’t want to live without?

What is something you’re thankful for today?

What, if anything, do you want to change about the world?

Who do you want to be in the future?

When is your favorite time of day?

Where do you go to relax?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie pop? (answer: the world will never know)

What’s the strangest question you’ve been asked on a first date?

*Disclaimer: Katherine Hill is not liable for any rejections or failures that result from using this list of questions, so please do not sue her. Side affects may include queasy stomach, palm sweating, frequent trips to the bathroom, and uncomfortable silences.

A Respectable Young Lady

I got the “lady” thing down. When I was a girl, I learned all sorts of “lady” skills that would prepare me to be a decent woman and successful housewife. I make applesauce. I spin yarn. I can knit and crochet. I paint, sing, and play the harp. I can make quilts and clothes, and serve afternoon tea.

The problem is, activities such as those are no longer as popular as they used to be. Spin yarn? Many people don’t even understand what a drop spindle is, or they have never seen a harp up close.

Felicity Merriman and Elsie Dinsmore were my childhood friends, but I have learned that girls like them remain alive only on the words of a page. While girls my age learned about makeup and name brand clothing, I was out riding horses. While so-and-so was dating her first boyfriend, I was wondering if it was morally okay to wax my eyebrows (would it be vain?). By the time I reached young adulthood, I thought I was well on my way to becoming an accomplished gentlewoman (I use the term loosely). You can imagine my surprise, then, when I discovered that a proper gentlewoman is not esteemed in the same way she would have been a century ago.

These days it appears that society values a woman who is career driven more than housewife driven. Many women today are being awarded for accomplishments that, a century or two ago, only men would have attempted. Maybe that’s not a bad thing. Maybe it means we’ve allowed women to go above and beyond the original expectations of their gender. I think, however, that there is something to be said about a woman who can manage her home well, career or no career. There is a certain beauty that is lost when the art of housekeeping is thrown to the wayside in pursuit of what used to be left to the men.

That’s not to say that pursuing a career is a bad thing. I myself am studying to get a bachelor’s degree, after which I would like to manage a flock of goats (maybe), grow an herb garden, and possibly build my own house. Yes, with my own hands.

Do you remember the term “calling” before it was used in reference to the telephone? In the Victorian era, ladies would pay visits to, or call on, each other. In higher society, women would keep track of who called on them and to whom they owed calls. Paying a call could be compared to paying bills, they were so important. Today? “We should hang out sometime.”

Sometimes I wonder what the hell men are looking for if not a housewife. I may be late in saying this (by about 100 years), but it seems that the woman is having to find a new identity, since it is no longer defined by the skills she acquires for running a home. In a way, this is freeing, because it gives her more independence to choose her own path. In another way, however, it leaves people like me a bit confused about what to do when I’ve spent a significant chunk of my life training to be useful to a man.

Please do not take this as a self-pity rant (although that’s exactly what it is, so forgive me). This is not to say that I cannot survive without a man taking care of me, because I have complete confidence that I can. I think more importantly, I am trying to find my place in 2014 when I feel like I should have been born in 1880.

Why a Ring?

Chances are if you’re from generation Y – or even generation X – you’ve probably seen it. The engagement announcements, the pictures of the fancy ring. Don’t get me wrong, I love admiring people’s rings. I think rings are beautiful. I just wonder what the hype about them is.

Yes, a quick Google search will reveal that a ring symbolizes eternal love, the commitment to marriage. Although according to Wikipedia, “Historically, the wedding ring was connected to the exchange of valuables at the moment of the wedding rather than a symbol of eternal love and devotion. It is a relic of the times when marriage was a contract between families, not individual lovers.”

My conflict about the wedding ring isn’t a sense of belonging or devotion to somebody; my conflict is about the practicality of wearing a ring in general. I love admiring jewelry on other people, but for me, any sort of ring is uncomfortable. And what about when people go to the bathroom and wash their hands after? Isn’t that putting a lot of wear and tear on the ring? Suppose you’re making meatloaf and mixing the raw meat with your bare hands? To wear a ring in a situation like that just sounds really gross to me. What about gardening if you don’t wear gloves? Suppose you’re a painter and you get paint on the ring? I wouldn’t wear a $5,000 dress to paint a house, so why would I wear a $5,000 piece of jewelry only to have to pay more money to get it cleaned after?

(I don’t really know what the going rate for rings is…I’m just throwing around numbers)

Yes, I know that wearing a ring can show that you’re not single, that you’re devoted to someone else. And yes, that can be a very good thing. But technically, shouldn’t the way you act in your everyday life show that you’re devoted to someone? I’m not trying to put anyone down here, I’m genuinely trying to figure this out.

Of my many concerns about getting married someday, one is having to wear a piece of jewelry that someone spent a ridiculous amount of money on that I don’t even like. God have mercy on the man who gets stuck with me.